Holbrook Family: S.O.S

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

S.O.S

About a year after Jeff and I were married we made plans to expand our family even further and started trying to get pregnant. Through many, many prayers, just as many tears, and twelve long months of effort, we finally became pregnant. Nine months later we were blessed with our sweet little Emily. I can't describe how hard that year was and how emotional the whole experience was. Only those that have had such an experience could ever understand the thoughts, fears, and emotions that go through your mind during such a time. They are a constant companion and never leave. You may be distracted at any given time, but behind the diversion you are praying and wondering if you'll ever be blessed with motherhood. Any mention of a baby or someone being pregnant sends you over the edge and who knows when you'll resurface. And all those well-intentioned people asking when you'll join the ranks of parenthood have no idea how much hurt such a "simple" question inflicts. Because of this experience I know how painful such questions can be and I have vowed I would never ask them.

Even now, three years since it all began, the subject is still very entangled in a thick layer of emotion. If I even think of thinking to start trying again tears come to my eyes and I wonder if I could survive such a roller coaster again. I know the Lord knows what I can handle and I'm grateful he has seen fit to bless me with my sweet little girl. But knowing that still doesn't make it any easier.

I know there are others out there with similar stories and also those with tales more heart wrenching than my own. For those of you quietly suffering, maybe my sister's sister-in-law's blog can help. And for those of you who are fortunate enough to never have had such experiences, maybe it will help you appreciate your stubborn & indepenent two-year-old even more.

4 comments:

Anna said...: Thanks for sharing Becca. It just makes Emily even more special. She's such an amazing little girl.

I know it's an emotional and difficult topic. I have very close friends who have made me more aware and sensitive to the issue of infertility. It does make me grateful for what I have.; July 8, 2008 at 5:08 PM
Marli said...: I agree with Anna. Emily is an amazing little girl and I think it is because she has such a great and amazing mom.

Thanks for the reminder of how lucky I am to have Hayden, I needed it.; July 9, 2008 at 10:09 AM
happytiff said...: I'm SO sorry, I had no idea that you went through that. I have been there...Hayden and Lexi are 5 and a 1/2 years apart, and although three yrs of trying were very rough, in hindsight, I'm so thankful for the age difference. I'm SO grateful for my precious babies. I still get asked often "if" and "when" we're gonna have more. (BTW, Thanks for not being one of them Ü)I'm so thankful for the two healthy, beautiful, fun, intelligent kids that I'm so blessed with, to be honest, I'd feel guilty asking for anything more. As for you, I am sure that you'll be blessed again, hang in there! Emily is so precious and sweet, and you're such a great mom!!! You guys are still young and have a long life ahead of you. Also, you were an Elementary Ed Major...so you might recall in the child psychology texts where they stated that 5 years between siblings is ideal, for BOTH of the children and their emotional growth.; July 14, 2008 at 12:56 PM
happytiff said...: I'm SO sorry, I had no idea that you went through that. I have been there...Hayden and Lexi are 5 and a 1/2 years apart, and although three yrs of trying were very rough, in hindsight, I'm so thankful for the age difference. I'm SO grateful for my precious babies. I still get asked often "if" and "when" we're gonna have more. (BTW, Thanks for not being one of them Ü)I'm so thankful for the two healthy, beautiful, fun, intelligent kids that I'm so blessed with, to be honest, I'd feel guilty asking for anything more. As for you, I am sure that you'll be blessed again, hang in there! Emily is so precious and sweet, and you're such a great mom!!! You guys are still young and have a long life ahead of you. Also, you were an Elementary Ed Major...so you might recall in the child psychology texts where they stated that 5 years between siblings is ideal, for BOTH of the children and their emotional growth.; July 14, 2008 at 12:58 PM

Emilyisms

2.22.13 ~ "Ahh! You exasperate me!"

3.06.13 ~ “This has been a horrible day! I didn't want to get up early. I didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to go to gymnastics. And Jacob just ate my goldfish!"

5.18.13 ~ Em: "What's that noise?" Jeff:"It's to let you know you're drifting and driving off the road.” Bec: "Or to wake you up if you're starting to fall asleep." Em: "But what if you're a deep sleeper?"

5.24.13 ~ Looking at a treasure map: "This is puzzling."

6.01.13 ~ To Gma H: "Will you be lonely when we move?"

6.01.13 ~ Em: "Do I have to get married?" Bec: "No. You don't have to. Why? Do you not want to?" Em: *sigh* "I like my last name."

7.28.13 ~ Em: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Jinks! You owe me a soda!" Jeff: "Em, do you know what a soda is?" Em: "Yup. Like Sprite, Root Beer, and Dr. Coke."

8.21.13 ~ "Jacob, you need to listen in school or you won't be smart like I am."

9.03.13 ~ Bec: "You have gum. I can smell it." Em: "Yup. And I can taste it."

9.10.13 ~ Em: "Are we going to Red Robin?" Jeff: "Why would we want to go there?" Em: "Oh! I know that voice!" Then as Jeff turned into RR parking lot Em said, "Ha! I knew it!"

9.29.13 ~ Em: "Oh Yummy!" Jeff: "I thought you didn't like potato chips." Em: "Apparently I do now."

10.09.13 ~ Bec: "You're a smart boy Jacob." Em: "Maybe he'll be like me!"

2.18.14 ~ While eating a cupcake: "I love frosting. It just tickles the roof of my mouth."

Jacobisms

3.04.13 ~ Bec:"Brrr! Your hands are freezing! Were you cold while we were outside?" J:"Yup." Bec: "Why didn't you tell me?"J: "Cause me couldn't find my pockets. They were hiding."

3.05.13 ~ Talking about missions: Bec: "Matthew went to England. Daddy went to Brazil. Where do you want to go?" J: "On a hike."

3.17.13 ~ Bec:"Whoa! You have a messy face. We need to wash you off." J:"No. My tongue's washing me off."

3.21.13 ~ Bec:"Jacob, please don't. You're not supposed to climb on that." J:"Emily does." Bec:"Uh-oh, we better spank her bum." J:"Yeah! Two times!"

8.22.13 ~ On the 2nd day of school:"Mommy, we lost Emily. we need to find her."

9.01.13 "Mom, my toot left a mark in my underwear."

9.04.13 ~ Bec: "You have preschool tomorrow." J: "Yup. All by myself!" Bec:"All by yourself?! Are you big enough for that?" J: "Yup. I have a big boy bed so I'm big."

9.07.13 ~ Eating breakfast burritos:"Mom, my wrap around is undoing."

9.18.13 ~ Eliza was jumping in her crib:"Mom! Liza's a kangaroo!"

9.18.13 ~ "I'm super angry right now."

9.21.13 ~ "You're the best-est mommy in the whole world."

9.25.13 ~ "Mom, you're the wicked king. And I'm Liza's dad."

10.01.13 ~ "I have a song stuck in my head. I don't want anyone to hear it so I'm going to leave it there."

10.13.13 ~ "It's raining cats & dogs. ... Lots of cats & dogs."

10.14.13 ~ "Mommy, me & Liza love you."

11.11.13 ~ "Mom! Did you see my awesome strength!? I can lift heavy things!"

11.16.13 ~ Bec:"You're pretty smart." Jeff: "No, you're super smart."Jacob: "Yup! Daddy got it right!"

12.08.13 ~ J: "I'm not going to be a kid." Jeff: "You're not?" J: "Nope. I'm going to grow up and be a dad."

12.15.13 ~ Jeff:"Have you been playing with Batman?" J: "Yep. And Robin Hood. Why isn't his name Red Robin?"

12.24.13 ~ Em & J had eye infections and needed drops.Jeff: "Ok, who's first?" J: "Emily because she's brave. Not me because I cry."

12.28.13 ~ "Liza, I'm glad I have a baby sister."

12.29.13 ~ Bec:"Jacob, why are you still wearing your jacket?" J: "Because if you want to you can."

1.06.14 ~ After listening to a Mozart song for a few minutes: "Mom? Who's being chased?"

1.08.14 ~ "Mom!" *sigh* "That's terrible!"

1.13.14 ~ Bec: "You get what you get..."J: "And you not cry."

1.13.14 ~ "Mom, mmm-ini wheats starts with cow?"

1.27.14 ~ After 'reading' something: Bec: "Hey! How did you know that's what that said?" J:"I don't know. Cause I'm super smart."

2.02.14 ~ While playing with Little People: ~ J: "Mom, where's the mom & baby?" Bec: "I don't know." J: "Maybe they're missing. Maybe when we were at Grandma & Grandpa's a monster came to our house & took them."

2.18.14 ~ J: "Mom, I'm never going to sell Liza." Bec:"You're not?" J:"Nope. Cause she makes me happy."

2.19.14 ~ After Jacob farted: Jeff:"Toot bum." J with a quizzical look, "Dad, why did you just call me tuba?"

2.20.14 ~ Bec: "What sports do you want to do?" J: "Baseball, soccer, basketball, football, ... and skeleton. But not fast skeleton. Slow skeleton. Because fast skeleton makes my tummy hurt."